


98% Compatible

by sandyk



Category: Go On (TV)
Genre: Chromatic Yuletide, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2013-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 00:50:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1087623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His eyes met Lauren's across the tiles and plastic chairs and weirdos. It was electric. Mr. K started humming. Lauren said, "Stop that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	98% Compatible

**Author's Note:**

  * For [irishmizzy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/irishmizzy/gifts).



> No profit garnered, not mine. Loved this show so much, thanks for giving me the opportunity to write it. Thanks to [redacted] for beta help.

Steven burst into the meeting room and, of course, no Ryan. "He's hiding from me, isn't he?”

His eyes met Lauren's across the tiles and plastic chairs and weirdos. It was electric. Mr. K started humming. Lauren said, "Stop that."

"No Ryan, right?" Steven tried to vibe unsexy. He projected Ryan badness vibes all over the place. It would work normally, but Steven had just had his hair cut and he was slightly flushed from the running to find Ryan. 

"No," Sonia said. She made a kissyface. "But I am."

"And me," Fausta said. Steven was pretty sure her name was Fausta. 

"He is not here, Steven," Lauren said. Again with the electricity. 

"Why does he think running away will work?"

"Seems to be working," Anne said. "He's not dealing with you, we are. And some of us are trying to deal with real fucking problems, so time for you to go." She made shooing motions. 

"Fine," Steven said, turning on his heel. He saw the glint off what was possibly a Porsche through the window. It was a skill to see glints and know from where they glinted. Steven didn't use it often, but you couldn't let yourself get rusty. 

Ryan was illegally parked on a bike trail. He was holding a tiny satellite dish --

"Ryan, that's my spyware listening device. COME ON," Steven said as he ran forward. 

xx

Lauren burst into Steven's office this time, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. She said, "This is not effective for hiding, is it?" 

"Nope," Steven said. "Too many windows. I love a faux open space work place."

"And rhymes," Lauren said. "Are you going to ask why I'm trying to hide?"

"I assume it's a Ryan thing," Steven said. "Isn't it?"

"Absolutely," she said. "Oh my God, yes. It would not be something else." She patted her pleasant and clearly natural bosom, presumably to make it super clear she was only here for Ryan related shenanigans. 

"Carrie," Lauren said. "Carrie asked me to talk to Ryan."

"To carry water for her?" Steven smiled at his own pun. It was a pun, he was pretty sure. It was definitely a funny thing to say. 

"No," Lauren said, frowning. "She quit, which I hope you noticed."

"Are you kidding? She's impossible to replace. No one else gets Ryan or wants to get him or deals with all his requests and demands and frankly outrageous texts and calls at every hour." Steven sighed. "We've tried. We've tried. Hey, would she be willing to come back to work? I would consider a raise, even."

"No," Lauren said. "She has a new job. She's a personal assistant to an older gentleman in the movie business."

"Older gentleman? Why are you talking so weird?" 

"He's 90," Lauren said. "I was being nice."

"Whoa, Carrie's not in love with the geezer now?"

"No," Lauren said. "She's in love with Ryan, still."

"I don't get it," Steven said. 

"You and me both," Lauren said. "But she's a friend now and Ryan is Ryan and I want to help." Lauren sighed and crossed her arms, pushing up her now more pleasant but still obviously natural breasts.

"You love the helping," Steven said. "But I don't know about Carrie and Ryan. She's long haul."

"She's a truck?"

"No, she's someone Ryan would be with for the long haul. I don't know if Ryan's ready for that yet, but she is, and she'll want kids and Ryan will give in and then he'll be a father and oh my god, that's a nightmare." Steven shuddered. 

"Maybe he'd be okay," Lauren said. They both start laughing. 

Steven said, "He really would not be okay. I mean, maybe. Maybe between Carrie and your weirdos, somehow, those kids aren't having to diaper themselves and running out in the street. Maybe. But anyway, Carrie is too long haul. And I think Ryan promised Amy he'd hook up with her long haul after he finished his recovering. Though, actually, I would prefer to have Amy for me so maybe I should be encouraging this Carrie thing."

"Amy?" Lauren looked momentarily, briefly, sad. Possibly she wanted Steven for herself, which Steven found completely understandable.

"You remember, from Thanksgiving. Very attractive lady, we all went to college together." 

Lauren smiled. "Well, I will go encourage Ryan to long haul with Carrie so you can have her for yourself, even though it seemed pretty clear she prefers Ryan." With that last attempt to hurt Steven (it succeeded), she left the room. 

xx

"We meet again," Steven said, staring at Lauren. He could not understand what she was doing at this quiet cozy highly rated on Yelp pizzeria, but he decided to roll with it. She was alone, he was alone. 

"Why are you here alone?" They both said at the same time. They both laughed. 

"I was on a date," Steven said. "Not here. Someplace fancy. But we only had this Cuban Japanese Zambia fusion foam for dinner and she said she was full, but I am not."

Lauren said, "I'm getting take out. For me. To take out and go home."

"Broke up again?" Steven said it with a smile so it obviously wasn't mean. 

"Yes," Lauren said. "Again. Didn't get engaged this time. But yes, broke up with someone."

"Please don't say Ryan," Steven said, though he was pretty sure it wasn't. Pretty sure.

"No, no, a thousand times no. Never. I don't date in the group," she said. "But what about you? You have any long haul girls on the driveway?" She shook her head. "That didn't make sense." 

"No, no, I got what you were saying. You know, I don't think I'm long haul. I'm not the guy you settle down with. Ryan, oddly enough, is. But not me. I'm that one week, three month fling that you remember fondly and maybe invite to the wedding if you want a good gift."

"That seems like a pretty negative assessment of yourself, Steven." Lauren smiled. "Do you want to share a pizza?"

"Were you turned on by that little self-deprecation? That is good because I am nearly as bad as Ryan when it comes to self-love. It's one of the reasons we're best friends," Steven said. "But I never turn down real food with a beautiful woman."

"Okay," Lauren said. "And I was not turned on by your brief pathetic assessment of yourself. I want to share pizza. So I only eat half."

"Nope," Steven said. He grabbed his order and hers and went to a table. "I think we should eat our entire order. And maybe get more."

"That I'm turned on by," Lauren said, smiling. 

xx

"We meet again again," Steven said. It was the same pizzeria, a week later. 

"That was not clever," Lauren said. "You invited me. I think we could call this a date."

"Nope. Not a date. You know how dates go with me. Two, three, good sex, show me off to your exes, avoid meeting Ryan, break up amicably because one of us meets someone sexier, usually me. Therefore I had this idea. And Ryan helped."

"That sounds amazing already," Lauren said, with a healthy dose of sarcasm present. It was a little insulting. 

"So we're not dating. No dating. No worry about the long haul. Or the short haul. We can just be, you know, incredibly compatible and hot together."

"That does not sound like a good idea," Lauren said. "I think it should just be a date. We should go out. Like we are doing right now." 

Steven shook his head. "I don't know, can't we try my idea?"

"Nope," she said. "But I can appreciate and reciprocate the feelings you have that would make you propose such a ridiculous idea."

"Ryan is my best friend and has been for the last 20+ years," Steven said. 

"I can look beyond that," Lauren said. 

"That is better than everyone I've ever dated," Steven said.


End file.
